My 14th Grade Autobiography

Wanna be friends?

Thesis

When you're here, you're fam. Back home preparing for a trip to Berkeley, I figured I'd write up one last big blog post for y'all. It's to be full of nostalgia and self-deprecation. Is there a better way to cool off after two weeks of grueling midterms? Well, probably - but that's why I'm flying to the Golden Coast.

At any rate, I stumbled across my eighth-grade autobiography (did any of y'all write those?), which is all-too-cleverly titled Up The Beanestalk. Groan. Nothing like a phallic pun to sum up your childhood and adolescence. It's a fine piece of writing, and throughout this post I'm going to try to revisit some of the more exciting passages. This will act as a sort of revised edition.

On the beach, doing my best "Bill face."

Vacations

Given that I'm about to travel on my own for the first time in my life, I think it'd be fitting to open up this post with some thoughts on vacations. In Up The Beanestalk, this chapter is called "Vacations and Other Such Journeys." Seriously. Obviously I was going to have a blog when I grew up.

So - I still generally agree with what I believed back in the days, that "wherever I can go to relax and have a good time, is a good place to go in my opinion." Who wouldn't agree with that? That's exactly why I'm going to California. To relax and have a good time. My 14-year old self was wise beyond his years. But travel is huge to me, such that it makes up most of my childhood memories. Then again, I have a terrible memory. I'll never forget running from alligators in South Carolina, being washed out to sea in Florida, or getting lost in King's Island.

We never flew to any of these beach getaways. Because of that, I've got a hella strong tolerance for extended roadtrips. I live for long drives. And for the ocean. To this day, I'm probably never more chilled out than when I'm reading on the beach. I should join Oprah's Book Club.

I was going to be a hockey star.

With exercise-induced asthma.

Athletics

This wasn't actually a chapter in my original autobiography.

But there were chapters like "Thoughts on Friends and Other Comrades" and "Music and Its Side Effects." Which brings us to the next section of this post.

Christmas '02-'04: Two things remained constant throughout my adolescence -

an obsession with LOTR and an affinity for XL navy blue shirts.

Being A Freak & A Geek

Fam, you couldn't find a better example of a geek. But something was different about me. I had friends (lots of them), and I was extremely cocky. I can't exactly remember if I was just oblivious to the reality of my geekiness, or if I knew and didn't care, or if I knew and was incredibly proud. I think it was the last one.

I strutted my "husky" stuff like I was the coolest kid in the school. I looked down on stuff "all the teenagers" liked, including "The Fast and the Furious and Scary Movie 3," and proclaimed my love of "Dr. Strangelove and Monty Python and the Holy Grail." I decried "the skater and hip-hop movements," and championed "drawing and painting."

Based God help me.

It would seem that I've always been as insufferably self-righteous when it comes to taste as I am now. Still, to give credit where credit is due, my parents somehow managed to raise me to be both proud of my "different" swag and capable of talking to others. I was a huge flirt and pretty much embraced by everyone at school. Or this is how I remember things. Rose-tinted glasses, fam. Speaking of fam:

Bros. In striped sweaters.

Based God bless them for being proud of me.

Sup fam

The coolest brother a geek could ask for, two loving parents that were always around for me, both pairs of grandparents and two great-grandparents to shower me with more affection than I could have possibly deserved, and a friend base that I could rely on for anything. I've been hella blessed to have had the childhood I did. Or, "my family has always made me the best I can be."

I'm still carrying the fire, and remain grateful for everyone surrounding me. I've also somehow managed to find really great friends in college (and most of them bloggers!). My family is still right around the corner when I need them. And something that my younger self only dreamed about (a girlfriend), has become so real to me now.

And if I need to see one of the Most Important People In My Life, she's just a short plane ride away.

Conclusions

For the most part, I'm the same person I was back then. Seriously self-obsessed, geeky, and totally lovable. Thanks for reading, y'all. I'mma go pack.

I'll leave you with a passage from the chapter, "2084: A Look into the Future of Patrick Beane":

The one thing that I could truly see myself doing in the future is write. I would like to become an author, but that is very hard to do and too hard to be successful. But hopefully I will get a job based on writing, perhaps journalism or working somewhere that I could write. My mom is a teacher and, even though it wouldn't be easy, I would not mind doing that either. Teaching would be fun, and I wouldn't mind doing that for a living. I may also do something art related. Drawing is a major hobby of mine, and I would be happy to have a job based on art. I would be happy with several jobs.